Why Self-Expression Matters

Years ago, when I met Petra, I told her that “I am a stand for your freedom, power and full self-expression!” She thanked me noting that she did not really know what I meant by that, and off we went in the exploration of our dynamic. Because the first way we related to each other was sexual, that is to say, in a kink dynamic, her first foray into self-expression was her choice to kneel for me as my submissive. She had endured a long-term abusive marriage, so it was imperative for me to be sensitive to her needs, make sure I had her consent, that I also made sure to debrief each day after our tryst.

Beginning early in our relationship, even though she has chosen to submit, I heard a streak of dominance in her sharing that I listened for as time went on, until there came a day when I flat out asked her why she was dominant in every part of her life other than her sexuality? She had no real answer, but she noted herself that it seemed odd. After several years of submitting, she felt like it would not be workable to suddenly switch.

We created a coaching program that allowed her to express herself as a dominant sexual creature, and for a couple of years, that sufficed. Then, a few things transpired where it was clear to me that she was indeed sexually dominant. I commissioned a painting from Dirk Hooper, the award winning fetish artist,. He painted a perfect illustration of her as a dominant mistress, and when I presented it to her, she literally could not take her eyes off of it. “Is this how you see me?” she asked. I smiled and said, “Yes, I do. Just like that.” She keeps the painting, which I had framed, next to her bed so she can see it each evening and morning.

At the same time, she and I began to explore what it would mean for her to switch. We played with several different iterations of us switching and eventually landed in a place where she felt comfortable enough to flex her dominant muscles. Little by little she explored what being sexually dominant with her love implied. Naturally, she was very concerned that I was being fulfilled as a sexual creature given where we started and where we were seemingly headed.

Then a funny thing happened. We actually fell in love and got engaged to be married. That unleashed her creativity. She made a fantastic marriage quilt. She made a wonderful vase, and she made a Native medicine bag. But, more importantly as far as I was concerned, she leaned heavily into her sexual dominance. I guess she felt more free to explore now that we were married because by choosing to marry her, I made sure she knew that she was enough. There was little risk to exploring. As she put it, “We have agreements, we know each others limits and we talk about what we are up to.

That began a journey into where we are now living in a real life FLR (Female Led Relationship). Her self-expression as a sexual creature has evolved to where her confidence is now high enough to allow her to fully express herself at will. We looked at the context of what we are up to and we recognize that we operate in an energy spectrum where her Yang(dominant) energy and my Yin (submissive energy) balance each other in a perfect Yin/Yang frame. She gets to lead or I do, where ever the energy takes us.

Now consider my life if I had never encouraged her to explore herself as as sexual creature. We might have petered out, we might have lost interest, we might have gotten stale and there is a really high likelihood that we would never have fallen in love or gotten married. More importantly, as I watch her in her civilian life express herself as as sexually powerful woman, it is surprising to see how many doors are opening to her, how many people are influenced by her and are impressed by her. In other words, her clout is correlated to her sexual self-expression.

I would summarize the phrase I used at the outset by saying, “I am a stand for your greatness!” I can honestly sit here and tell you that watching her flourish as a woman, a sexy, hot, fun chick and my Mistress is one of the most fulfilling experiences I have ever had in relationship. Self-expression is where its at. Make sure you are self-expressed for sure, but, make sure your partner is supported in their self-expression too!