Level Up Your Sex Life

One aspect of being Hard Married that I really enjoy is our deep and enduring commitment to exploring sexuality together. Years ago, we coined the term “Sexplorer,” an idea we live into day-by-day. Our exploration of sexuality is very personal, in that we are not “trying everything on to see how it fits,” sort of sexplorers, instead, we are in pursuit of our own arousal. Our pursuit is to find a deeper access to our own purest form of sexual pleasure. This pursuit as lately landed in the Spiritual Sexuality lane, so, I think I should explain what that means for us.

My sweet wife, Petra, is a later arrival to herself as a sexual creature. Being an adult, and with a partner she loves, who loves her back makes her exploration of her orgasmic self very approachable. That said, our pathway to Sacred Sexuality occurred in phases. Those phases coincided with each unfurling of Petra’s self-expression as a sexual creature. The first iteration occurred during ravaging. Each day, Petra would “be” a Sleeping Beauty character, “asleep” naked the couch. I would waken her with kiss then proceed to ravage her. Till then, Petra had never really experienced herself as being desirable. The passion that ravaging ignited Brought us to the next phase of sexpoloration: eye gazing.

Talk about a game changer! William Shakespeare once said “The Eyes are the window to your soul”. There is recent evidence that direct eye-to-eye contact during sex releases oxytocin (the cuddle hormone) and phenylethylamine, also called, “The love chemical” which is a neurotransmitter involved in feelings of interpersonal attraction. A French study illustrates that direct eye-to-eye gazing during sex increases blood flow in the amygdala. The amygdala is associated with attachment of emotional significance to sexual cues. So, the evidence of the experience we were and still are having is well developed. As Shakespeare noted, staring into her eyes, is to see into her soul. I love watching her, fully aroused, ready to accept me into her body as I bring myself to full penetration. The surprise and wonder and deep satisfaction demonstrating her pure love is just magical. It was making love while eye-gazing that first occurred to us as transcendent.

To level up, we began exploring passionate kissing. deep, long slow, un-rushed passionate kisses that stimulates the intense entanglement we both experience. Following eye-gazing during passionate French kissing, the passion meter is turned up all the way to eleven!It was then that we began to really experience a feeling that we could only describe as “entanglement.” It was our first foray into “Sacred Secuality”. Our examination of that experience had us reaching to the world of Quantum Mechanics to help us understand what our perception was getting access to.

Some things are deeply hidden. During the years preceding this moment, I had engaged in an inquiry about relationship using physics to explain things with my inquiry evolving into a quest really, to find a wave theory that explains what was happening in our relationship at the moment. My inquiry into particle physics to find an explanation for the amazing feeling we were experiencing. At heart, every part of us including perception is ultimately governed by physics. Molecular biology is no exception given that all interactions are electrochemical by nature. For example, FMRI and EMG technology can measure the electrical field generated by our thoughts even before we know we have had a thought. A pretty amazing realization. The reality is that we are made up of molecules that interact according to the rules of physics, which also govern how organic molecules interact. Remember, at root, every single thing is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. Protons and neutrons are made up of particles. With that in mind, I have been thinking about the interaction of those particles with each other as they might relate to and influence the difficult-to-explain part of our relationship, which is the way we are experiencing each other at specific times. The hard part to get our heads around is that we are talking about things that are so teeny tiny, that we literally have no awareness of them. Take neutrinos, for example,try to contemplate and get your head around the fact that the sun is blasting 400 billion neutrinos through each person on earth every single day, and nobody has any awareness of the experience. In a quantum sense, we are effectively empty space. So, as I think about particle physics my inquiry lands on quantum mechanics to find a workable theory to explain our connectedness newly.

For example, entanglement theory is a promising area to explore.. Maybe in entanglement, there is a different field theory that explains things more completely than the theory of gravity does. For the past several years, we have relied on the gravitational field theory in order to explain how we were drawn together, circled around each other for years, the circles getting smaller and smaller as the pull increasing until we collided. This brings me back to the idea that there is a particle physics explanation, like entanglement theory, to our amazing connectedness that explains the sudden acceleration right around the time we got engaged. There is also a relationship between entropy and energy. The increased entropy in our relationship correlates to the uptick in energy we are giving it.

It think a good place to start my inquiry might be to idealize emergence to capture the physical connection as a shorthand for trying to state anything about the particles that make us up. Entanglment plays a more central role in quantum field theory than in particle theory, so that is a good place to begin my thought experiment.

If its possible to pursue a unified field theory in physics, it may also be possble to explain some hidden aspect of relationship, in partricular that part of relationship that we both experience as new and find that it is very particularly felt when we are kissing deeply. An entanglment occurs where proxmity is the driver, in other words, we have to be close together for this effect to occur. This brings me to the Hilbert space. The world is a quantum state evolving in HIlbert space, and physical space emerges out of that. In field theory, there are an infinite number of degrees of freedom in that space which implies that all of her particles could be or are entangled with mine. The HIlbert space for our system (how we connect) is the space of all possible wave functions for that system, and the HIlbert space is infinitely dimensional because there are an infinite number of degrees of freedom. Those degrees of freedoms] can be thought of as an infinite number of entanglements with the other freedoms in the space (her to me or visa versa, me to her). We know that measuring or even observing a quantum state changes it into another state, poking (observing) it, could instantly change the state of the other nearby entanglements at the same time. So, that might begin to explain why we feel so damn connected when we are deeply kissing. We are highly entangled, and align with that, our measurable magnetic fields are also interacting, perhaps summating, with our faces touching (in close proximity).

Entanglement, it seems, is the secret ingredient, and the vacuum state in quantum field theory is highly entangled. “By poking the field in one tiny region of space, its possible to turn the quantum state of the whole universe into literally any state at all.” This is the Taj Mahal theorem. The point is that I can bring a state of being into existence in my partner and she in me by either one of us observing the Hilbert space which entangles us with each other entirely, and it might also explain why she feels attached to me after a prolonged deep kiss.

I like where this is going as a theory explaining the new relationship dynamic we experienced at the time.

Then, we introduced mind expansion to our sexploration. We started with cannabis, attempted ciliciban and landed on MDMA. What makes MDMA so fantastic as a mind altering substance to sexplore with is that MDMA strongly facilitates serotonin and oxytocin activity, leading to its signature mix of euphoria, empathy, and connectedness. MDMA (also known as ecstasy or molly) primarily facilitates the release and activity of several neurotransmitters and hormones, most notably: Vasopressin, which increases, influencing social behavior and emotional responses. Next, Serotonin (5-HT) – which is she biggest effect. MDMA causes a large surge of serotonin release in the brain, producing feelings of empathy, euphoria, emotional closeness, and well-being. Dopamine being released contributes to the reward and pleasure aspects of the drug, increasing energy and motivation. Norepinephrine (noradrenaline) raises heart rate and blood pressure, contributing to the stimulant effects. Perhaps the most important hormones to be released are Oxytocin and Vasopressin. MDMA boosts the release of oxytocin, often called the “bonding” or “love hormone”, which strengthens feelings of trust, connection, and intimacy — one reason MDMA is sometimes called an “empathogen.”

Adding mind expansion drugs to our already ridiculously hot sex life was like adding an accelerant to an already raging fire. For each of us, the addition of these mind expansion drugs on top of the already present feeling of entanglement was transformative. Naturally, there was an opening into the world of Sacred Sexuality where we found ourselves experiencing glimpses into a different realm each time we make love. It’s been that way now for years.

The impact of Petra discovering herself as a sexual creature, getting real access to her true arousal, and then following that experience by introducing mind expansion drugs that upregulate her access to herself more broadly as a sexual creature expands into her work a day life as well. Spiritual texts and teachings describe Transcendent Sex as a sacred practice for spiritual growth, enlightenment, even ascension. It is the case that people have been transcending the limits of the human body and human consciousness through sex for thousands of years. Now, we do this regularly.

I like to say that we have a party every day, which is to say that we begin each day with a sacred connection, then, when Petra returns from work, we reconnect with a sacred connection. We make passionate love resulting in euphoric transcendence before we have a perfect cocktail, followed by a gourmet dinner. This has been our frame of reference for 7 years now. A real party achieving bliss as a daily practice.

Beyond that, we have made it a priority to explore mind expansion on a 3 month cycle. With each iteration, we find new access to spiritual growth and enlightenment. We are loving the experience that started out as a sincere exploration of human sexuality. WE encourage you to go on your own journey of exploring sexuality with your partner. I am sure it will be as fulfilling for you as it has been for us.