What is Love Anyway?

All through my life, I experienced nothing more profound than limerence. I liked the way it felt, but it never lasted long. I am pretty sure I experienced limerence with dozens of women though the course of my life. I am also confident that even in my first marriage, I never got more related than limerence.

Love is a verb. It’s an action word. With Petra, as my relationship evolved, we both took loving actions for each other as a matter of routine and eventually we actually fell in love.

How did that happen suddenly out of the blue when we had been living together and taking loving action together for more than 5 years. So what did it take to fall in love?

In a word, it took being vulnerable. That’s it.

Here you have two people who like each other a lot, live together, express affection and even passion for each other, and whom are both in action with regular loving actions for their partner as a prelude, and what it took for us to fall in love with each other was for each of us to truly feel vulnerable with each other.

It took different things to unlock love for each of us. For me, it showed up when we started having face-to-face sex, and I saw her newly while I was making love to her. The way she looked at me, the pleasure on her face, her pure joy in being my lover, all of that was a tipping point of sorts for me. I realized in a moment that I had to marry this beautiful woman, or as she puts it, “Lock this shit down!”

For her, the tipping point was me asking her to marry me. In effect, she had been thinking about marriage even though we had both previously sworn off the idea given how poorly marriage went for us the first time around. But when I asked her and she considered what it would mean, she instantly felt her heart swell and the love machine that she is came forward.

What does it mean to “be vulnerable?”

Vulnerable comes from the Latin word vulnerābilis, meaning “wounding” or “able to be wounded.”

• vulnus = wound
• -abilis = able to

So literally, vulnerable means “able to be wounded.”

Over time, English broadened it from just physical harm (like being hurt in battle) to also mean emotional openness or being susceptible in general.

While in early use, before the 19th Century, the word related more toward physical vulnerability, in the 19th and 20th Century, the meaning broadened further into the emotional and psychological sphere.

“To feel vulnerable” began to mean “being exposed emotionally”, and “open to being hurt by trust, intimacy, or rejection.”

Over time, the arc of the meaning went from being hurt on the battlefield → personal weakness → criticism → emotional openness. Today, being vulnerable means, In a more general sense, exposed to the possibility of being hurt or negatively affected.

So, how does one CHOOSE to be vulnerable?

That’s a deep and important question. Choosing to be vulnerable means consciously opening yourself to the risk of being seen, judged, or hurt — while also opening the door to connection, intimacy, and authenticity. It’s not about recklessly exposing yourself, but about choosing when, where, and with whom to let down your guard.

For each of us, we chose to let down our guard more or less at the same time. What has happened since then is that our love has only expanded and developed and deepend.

What we were afraid of was being really deeply hurt. Each of us had experienced a life of let downs in love that made us both very cagey about letting the other get close enough to hurt us. I remember early on in our relationship, one day Petra said to me, “I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop” when I called her out on some issue or another. The point is that we were both on high alert when it came to being vulnerable.

Ultimately to feel love, one has to allow oneself to really truly be vulnerable. I once told Petra that my sense of self-preservation meant that I needed to give her my heart to hold in one hand and a sharp knife to hold in the other, and permission to destroy my heart if that is what she chose to do. I had to make myself experience the intrinsic fear of being vulnerable. When I was dating before I met Petra, I was with one woman who really liked me, but whom I would never get really close to. She told me, “You are so closed off and unavailable.” That had landed for me and given me food for thought, so when I started dating Petra, after we had spent a year together where I was feeling great about having her in my life, I told her that I was giving her my heart (and a knife) to show her I was being vulnerable. Even so, there was still a kernel of self-preservation hidden deep in my heart that kept me hedging my bets. It took seeing her newly and asking her to be my wife that shattered that last barrier to my vulnerability.

I will say that there is nothing quite like having your wife (partner) look deeply into your eyes and say, “I just love you!” before she leans in an kisses you passionately.

Love is amazing. It’s the feeling of having a copilot. I’s the feeling of wanting to share something wonderful you found with her first. It’s the feeling of being proud of her effort to get in shape, or the feeling you have of wanting to share your workout data with her because she loves you, and you know she will approve and support you in your efforts. It’s the feeling of cooking dinner to make her say, “I love that and it needs to be in our regular rotation!” It’s creating a new cocktail for her so she is surprised and pleased. It’s finding a great set of earrings for her and surprising her with a gift. Its picking up Sweet Peas and making the house smell wonderful so she comes home to a beautiful bouquet. It’s kissing her goodnight every night, and putting the rowing machine out for her tu use in the early morning so she doesn’t have to. I could go on and on.

Having the love of the love of your life is the most magical experience of being human I have ever encountered. To top it off, making love to my beautiful wife is the most fulfilling sex either of us have ever had, which is why we make love daily!

There is an old movie with Ryan O’neal and Ali McGraw called Love Story. In that movie they say, “Love means never having to say you are sorry.” I always found that saying trite, but its something to think about. Here are some quotes from Alice Cooper that explains the notion better than I can:

“I’m very romantic, I’m extremely romantic. I date my wife.”
A clear testament to how Cooper continues to nurture their relationship as partners and lovers, even after decades together American Songwriter.

During media interviews, he’s emphasized his enduring love for Sheryl:
“I loved her before I even married her, and I am still in love with her.”
Speaking to the longevity and depth of his affection, he has also noted that they bring a sense of home with them wherever they go The Times.

On the secret to their lasting marriage, he advises:
“Marry the girl you are in love with. … We have never cheated on each other.”
Emphasizing romantic commitment and fidelity as cornerstones of their bond Fox News+1.

In conversations about their marriage dynamics, he notes:
“We ask ourselves every day how we can make each other’s day even better.”
A small daily practice that reflects deep mutual care and thoughtfulness

Alice Cooper’s reflections on loving Sheryl reveal not only the depth of his affection, but also a commitment to romance, faithfulness, and daily nurturing of their bond. It’s a powerful example of how love can grow richer and more intentional over time.LIke them, we consider our relationship to be 100%/0 rather than 50/50. Each of us takes full responsibility for our relationship. That is what love is. Being all in.