On Force and Power

All relationships are power exchanges when it comes right down to it. Even if you are in a “traditional marriage,” such as it is, then the leader of the family unit is gifted power by their partner. In all power exchange relationships, trust is the critical factor that allows the relationship to flourish. This brings me to the question of force vs power. From physics, the definition of force is; “an interaction that causes a change in an object’s motion.” Whereas the definition of power is, “the rate at which work is done.”

In a power dynamic, the leader of the family unit accomplishes more when they come from a position of power rather than force. If I force you to do something against your will, vs if I enroll you in helping me do “work “X” because its something you want to do, then the dynamic is a power dynamic. More is getting done, and every one is happy. I found the fist line of this chapter of the TAO (by Ron Hogan,) on point:

“A true warrior never uses force…”

68.
A true warrior never uses force
with an attitude of pride or anger.
A true victor
does not pursue vengeance.
A true leader shows humility.
This is the power of modesty.
It’s the best way to deal with people.
It’s always been an excellent way
to get right with Tao.

Force in a relationship is very destructive. Using force to get your way leads to space between you and your partner. It’s so much more productive to leverage the power you have been granted to enroll your partner in participation. And, its healthier for the wellbeing of the relationship. As the Tao suggests, “A true leader shows humility.’ It goes on to note that the best way to deal with people is with the power of modesty.

When I met Petra, this was my frame of mind and how we created our relationship. I can affirm that it has proved to be an excellent way to navigate our relationship. The love that we experience is sourced in our power dynamic. You won’t find me trying to force her to do anything, ever. For her and I, it’s always enrollment and registration. If you were to be a fly on the wall of our relationship, you would see love growing and growing and growing. As always, in the Force vs power equation, the correct choice is power.

Now, for me and Petra, our power exchange family structure is a discipline based dynamic. This means that as partners, there is a discipline expectation for both partners. Discipline does not mean punishment in this context, although it could do, instead, it means that each one of us adheres to our agreements without let down. We are disciplined in that respect. If the dominant partner enrolls the other in a task or an agenda, then both partners fulfill on that agenda or task without resistance.

The operative word is “Power” The dominant partner’s traits are as noted in the chapter of the Tao, are humility and modesty. Take a look from 10,000 ft. If we see the current administration is interacting with our neighbor to the North by attempting to force them to join the USA. Naturally, there is resistance. While the president has power, his choice to rely on force to get things done rather than power is quite revealing. Pride and anger occupy his mind and guide his actions. Consider how obvious that is. How weak it really is. A true warrior never uses force with an attitude of pride and anger. A true victor does not pursue vengeance. a true leader shows humility.

As you can see, the scale of the issue is not relevant. It can be a relationship between spouses, or lovers, or a relationship between nation states. Power gets things done. Force creates resistance.