Integrity

38.
People with integrity
don’t even think about it.
That’s how you can tell
they have integrity.
Other people talk about
how much integrity they have,
when they really don’t have much.
If any.

Integrity is in short supply. It seems that people have forgotten what it means. In modern parlance, people compress integrity with morality. It’s not the same thing. Morality is a shifting target. One moment, there was no such thing as Gay Marriage, the next there was. That is how morality works, It’s immoral one day, then the next day its all the rage. Not so with integrity.

Integrity is simply doing what you said you would do. That is the sum of it. You either do what you say, or you don’t. If you do, you have integrity, if you don’t you are out of integrity.

Specifically integrity is doing what you said you would do, doing it correctly and doing it on time. Integrity is doing what you are supposed to do. Integrity is doing what is expected of you.

Unfortunately, today, so many people live in an unreality. It’s so common you probably don’t even notice it. Here is a for instance. You are meeting friends for dinner at 8:00. You show up at 8:20. “Hey, sorry I am late, there was traffic,” you say.

So, “I said I would be there at 8 and I got there at 8:20 because I had reasons.

The unreality is that “I didn’t do what I said I would do, plus I had reasons” equals “I have integrity.”

Newsflash. No you don’t. You are out of integrity because you said you would be there at 8:00 and you were not there at 8:00. BUT, being out of integrity does not make you a bad person, (this is not morality, remember?) You are simply out of integrity.

BUT, you can RESTORE your integrity. You do this pretty simpy. When you arrive at the restaurant late, you begin by saying, “Hey, I said I would be here at 8:00 and I was late. The impact on me is that I missed out on hanging out with my friends, I am also known as someone who comes late to dinner and I feel bad for being so late that I missed eating with you. The impact on you is that you missed out on my company, you started dinner without me, and you know me as unreliable when it comes to being on time. the impact on others is that the server has to manage my dinner separately from the table.

Then, and this is an important part of getting complete, you have say what structure you put in place to prevent this from occurring again.

You say, “I have also put our dinner on the calendar a half hour early so that I can leave on time and be here on time.”

And that is how you restore your integrity.

Why this matters in relationship is that trust is the most important part of your intimate relationship. Integrity is at the root of trust. It’s the case with big things and small. If you say you are going to take out the garbage, take out the garbage. If you say you are no longer on Tinder, delete Tinder from your phone. The thing of it is that if you want your partner to trust you, then you have to be trustworthy. The way you show your partner that you are trustworthy is by keeping your word. CHoose to be someone who operates with integrity.