What Are You Committed To?
August 8, 2025
As human beings, we tend to live inside of stories. Stories we make up when we are little kids, and then we live our lives as if those stories are indeed, the truth. The impact of that narrative for each of us is that we tend to interact with the world from a very ordinary place. Our responses are automatic, and for the most part, come from a place of fear. Fear of what? You make ask, the fear of being found out. the inauthenticity we carry through life day to day as an impact of living inside of stories we make up, frames our outward facing behavior, and it is all designed to make us “look good”. When your wife is heading out the door and yells, “Love you!” on her way out, and you say, “Love you too!” That is automaticity. If you were authentic, and you were into your wife, you might say, “Wait, before you leave, I want to leave you with a passionate kiss so you hurry back into my arms,” as you take her in your arms and smooch with the passion of a thousand suns. You know that kiss would leave her feeling very differently about leaving at that moment and she will doubtlessly look forward to her speedy return. In the first instance, being automatic is ordinary. In the second instance, interrupting the automaticity moves you into the realm of being extraordinary.
What does it mean to be ordinary? Just what it says, Being ordinary reflects an automaticity of being. When you react automatically, you are responding from your internal dialogue. It’s why I say that when you are talking to a person, you are not really listening to them, instead, you are listening to your own internal dialogue about them. You are confirming and regurgitating your opinions. Another way to think about it is that instead of listening to others, you listen to your own opinions.
To live an extraordinary life, the first thing you have to do is give up your opinions.
What next? Then, you have to live life intentionally. That is to say, you take action around your intentions. For example, my wife and I are living an intentional life. WE are making every effort to stay present and operate outside of our automatic way of being. I like to say that new actions lead to unexpected outcomes. It was with this in mind that my wife created a new context for our sexual relationship one day that aligned with her arousal in a completely unexpected fashion. Now, that reality is part of our daily sexual ritual, and her arousal is through the roof. So much so that she messaged me this message this morning: “We live an extraordinary life!” That in the context of our sexual intimacy extends beyond into every aspect of our life. The carry over is obvious.
WE set out to live an extraordinary life. We do that in every respect. From the foods we eat, to the cocktails we share. From the sex life we have to the time we spend together. Every moment is brilliant. I asked Petra the other day what living an extraordinary life meant for her. Her answer was illuminating. She said, “For the first time in my life, the inner voices are quiet. There are no, “Yea, but’s” or, “If onlys” going on in my head like there used to be. I can actually stop to smell the roses, ad I really do!”
As she kissed me passionately on her way out the door, she said, “I really can’t wait to play with you this evening!”
The bigger question is, “How did you manifest this existence?” For me it was pretty simple. I listened to her. To what she said she needed to be able to be all in and love me. I responded to her when she needed responding. I guided her when she needed guidance. I supported her when she needed support. I was passionate with her when she needed passion. I made her laugh when she needed humor. I validated her when she needed validation. I love her because, like all women (and people) she needs love. I did all this selflessly, asking for nothing in return. The moment I love the most is each day after we make passionate love, she gazes at me with her bedroom eyes and says something like, “You are so wonderful!” Then I know I am on the right track.
An aspect of living an extraordinary life is the ability to create each other. I’ll have more to say about this in another post, but suffice it to say that how you leave someone is how you create them. WHen I leave her feeling that I am “so wonderful” as she puts it, then I have created her as believing that I am wonderful. Imagine if your partner’s parting thought about you was that they believe you to be quite wonderful, let me ask you, how extraordinary would your life be?
Hard Married is filled with tools to get you started toward living an extraordinary life. My advice is to get started immediately. Do not waste a second!
