I have a question for you. Are you responsible for your relationship?

Do you make sure that there is literally no space between you?

Do you clean the bathroom when its needing cleaning without having to be asked?

Do you cook, and if not do you do the dishes?

Do you make yourself attractive to your partner regularly?

Do you initiate sex?

These are all simple examples of how one might choose to be responsible for and in your relationship.

The other day, Petra had a long day. She started early, dealt with one breakdown after another at the office, and then came home quite late for her. It was a beautiful day, so I set up the patio, prepared food for the BBQ, lit the fire so it was ready to cook when she got home, put the music on and the chairs out. Then when she got home, I welcomed her passionately, brought her a Martini to enjoy on the patio while I BBQ’d the chicken that had been marinating in my secret sauce. She was smiling the whole time. In bed she thanked me profusely for making her return home so welcoming and stress free. “I fucking love you!” she purred.

“This is nothing like my former life.” she said, continuing, “I don’t think I was ever welcomed home, not once!”

It’s not hard to be responsible, you just have to BE responsive to the moment.

Have you ever had the experience of seeing your partner and just knowing they have something on their mind? The responsible thing to do is to ask them, “Is everything ok? or some such variable.

Why choose to be responsible? If you have ever had the experience of being loved completely by a whole hearted partner, then you will understand the pull. When she looks at me, her eyes smile. “You are a wonderful man,” she says over and over. I love being married to you!” That level of connection grows out of choosing to be responsible.

I can honestly say that in my first marriage, I was more interested in myself and my own happiness than I was in my partner’s happiness. You might say I was selfish, whereas in this marriage, I am selfless. Big difference. It’s not only a material difference, the impact of the difference is manifest in the overt and white hot fire hose of love that my partner showers on me. Its chalk and cheese, and the funny thing is that by being selfless, it turns out that I am happier than ever because my happiness is manifest by her giving her attention to me and my wellbeing.

They said, “Happy wife, happy life” and wow, they meant it.

I alluded to the secret, it’s about being present and being in the moment and responsive to the moment. We have a really beautiful and fulfilling relationship. I think the reason we do is that we make our whole life about living in the now. This moment. Not the next moment, this moment.

One of the reasons we fail to be responsible for the moment we are living in is that we tend to be living in the illusion of someday. That illusion keeps us from being present and if we are not present we are not able to be responsible for the moment.

One of the challenges we have to overcome is the feeling that our circumstances are getting in the way of our relationships. Here is the thing. You are NOT your circumstances. Set aside the stories you have about the circumstances getting in the way of your relationship, and simply step up to take responsibility for who you are being in your relationship. Remember, you can always tell how you are doing by how you leave your partner. If he or she is feeling super loving toward you, then there is a good chance you are on the right track.

Stay in the moment. You will find relationship happiness there.