Context is Everything

I was thinking about how context frames ones life this morning. The thought that occured to me is that by and large, people hold very disempowering contexts about their life and their circumstances. For most people, there is a tendency to have their circumstances be the context for their lives, and here is the thing, you are NOT your circumstances. Let me give you an example so its not quite so theoretical.

For the bulk of my life, there was an overriding context that was truly disempowering, and that interfered with every relationship I had. That context was that “I am not loveable.” I created this context as a 3 year old child who faced repeated beatings by his mother. My context, supported by the evidence of the repeated beatings, was that “If my mother does not love me, who can possibly love me?” So, for the rest of my life, as people showed me love, that love was thwarted by my broader context of being unlovable. The impact of that experience was that no matter who professed their love, I would be looking for evidence that they were not in fact my lover. This was a very destructive context to have during my first marriage. My ex-wife would say, “I love you,” and I would say(silently, “Here, let me show you some evidence that you don’t!”

Naturally, as one relationship after another failed through the course of my life, all that did was prove with more evidence that I was absolutely not lovable.

It really took understanding that that context I had, was a. Something I created myself, and b. Really disempowering and c. Something I could change.

The real question was, how could I create a more empowering context for myself and my life?

One of the challenges is that because we are committed to the stories we tell ourselves, it really took me about 4 years of trial and error to get to a place where I could create a new more empowering context. I even got a tattoo on my chest validating the context I created. What I created was that we lived in a massive universe where life is empty and meaningless, that I am a biological creature who is subject to pheromones. That life is completely random, and that I am indeed lovable. It took me 7 months to get that large tattoo complete, and coincidentally, it was soon after it was complete that I met Petra.

It was a few months after we met that she said, “I am having feelings for you. I am falling in love with you!” The old me, the one who is unlovable, would have said, “Yea, but….” Instead, with my new context of “I am loveable” I allowed myself to be with her love and that was the best thing I ever did.

Living as one who is loveable has changed my experience of myself, of her and of my life in ways I could not have predicted. I live a life filled with love. I am happier, more joyful, more satisfied, more thankful and more grateful that I could have predicted possible.

Now, here is the thing. Look at your own life and circumstances, and ask yourself, “What is the context I have for myself and my life?” and “Is it a disempowering context, or an empowering context?”

The next step you would take, assuming your current context is disempowering, would be to craft a more empowering context for your life, then get into action with that new context guiding you every step along the way.