Why Integrity Matters

Modern life is filled with people breaking their agreements all over the place. The general lack of integrity is almost a cultural crisis. Public figures who lie non-stop, who fail to follow up on their promises, the ones they made to get elected, is just symptom of much deeper problem.

So, what is integrity after all?

On a personal level, integrity is simply keeping your word.

The problem is that we play fast and lose with our integrity and in fact, we often operate in an unreality. Let me give you a clear picture.

When you make an agreement to meet friends for lunch at a particular time, and you show up a good ten minutes late, in fact, you are out of integrity. You said you would show up at a particular time, and you failed to do that. But, you have reasons. So the unreality is, I said I would do a thing, + I didn’t do the thing + I have reasons = I did the thing. Can you see how that is an unreality?

OK, so, integrity means you keep your word.

More specifically, it means you do what you said you would do, the way you said you would do it, and you do it on time. It also follows that you do the thing that are expected of you and that you are supposed to do, and you do it the way it is expected and supposed to be done.

That is all there is to integrity. Now, one thing to keep in mind, is that in this modern day and age, we have a tendency to compress morality with integrity. Just so I am clear, there is nothing moral or immoral about keeping ones word. The simple fact is that if you do what you said you would do, you are good for your word. If you fail to do what you said you would do, you are out of integrity. Does this mean you are a bad person? Not at all. It simply means that you are out of integrity.

So how does one restore their integrity?

There is a real process that ensures we can restore integrity. There are a few key steps, they are:

• Alert the person expecting you to do the thing you agreed to do the moment that you are not able to execute as promised. (“Hi, I am sorry to tell you I will be late…”)
• State that you said you would do the thing and that you are not able to do the thing. (“I said I would be on time and I am not on time…”)
• Next, address the impact of breaking your word. By this I mean, the impact on them, the impact on you and the impact on others. (“There is an impact on you….on me and on others….”)
• FInally, state what the structure is that you will put in place to make sure that the same will not occur in future. (“The structure I am putting in place to ensure this does not happen again is….”)

It might sound like this, “Hey Bill, I said I would be here on time, but I will not be there on time. The impact on you is that you know me as someone that doesn’t keep their word, you are left sitting there waiting to order lunch and you may be hungry, and its possible that I am making you run late for your next appointment. The impact on me is that I am embarrassed that I am running late. I feel bad that I have made such a poor impression. The impact on others includes the server who is left wondering about your guest, other diners who could not get into the restaurant and the drivers on the road who I was inconsiderate of as I made an effort to speed ot the restaurant. The structure I have put in place is to allow an extra half an hour on my calendar for transit time.”

That restores ones integrity.

This is critical information for couples. Its a great tool to use as you rebuild trust after a breakdown. It’s also a great way to prevent breakdowns in the first place.

To couples, I would say that the path back to trust is taken in little steps. You are ultimately known as your word. Keep your word in little areas over time and little by little trust will be restored.

At the same time, there is nothing at all wrong with being out of integrity. The thing of it is that when you are up to big things, ie, busy people are always busy, it’s more likely than not that you will break your integrity. The real secret to the whole thing is to make sure to restore your integrity as soon as you can. And, (this is very important), when one takes steps to restore their integrity by dealing with all the impacts and setting up a structure to prevent a future occurrence, make sure to tell them, “Your integrity is restored!”